A Story of Regret // My India Trip
To live a life of regret is man’s greatest fear. “If only I did that” is a phrase I never want to hear myself say. The reality of life is that it’s short and most times, we only have once chance to go after our dreams but fear, distractions, and what-ifs get in the way. It’s a tough internal battle to have when in the midst of a decision so I hope to share why I booked my flight on a random Tuesday to visit my grandparents in India 2 days after.
Due to the pandemic and other life events (graduation, moving, jobs), I wasn’t able to visit my grandparents in over 5 years. The last time I went was during senior year of college and since then I’d been incredibly occupied with “my” life, not thinking about others. It was my first taste of freedom with an earning. Suddenly, it had already been 5 years and I hadn’t seen my own grandparents in what felt like eternity. Earlier this year, I found out my maternal grandpa’s health is declining. I was worried, but not enough to take action. After all, I was ‘just a kid’ and what could I do? What took me weeks to realize (even years if you could my selfish teenage years) was that family is all we have. We are their legacy and our ancestors and childhood explain 99% of why we are the way we are. Without them, we wouldn’t be here. Without them, we wouldn’t have this beautiful life to live.
With my paternal grandfather already passed away, I was not ready to lose another grandpa. After all, I didn’t even know much about his life. After multiple weeks of reflection, learning about my past, and his health declining further, I knew clearly: I did not want to live a life of regrets. I didn’t want to miss out on this opportunity of spending time with the last generation remaining of my family.
While costs to travel are always expensive and taking a 18+ hour flight is always a hassle, I thought to myself:
If I didn’t take a trip to go see them, would I regret this decision on my deathbed?
I immediately felt my body weeping, telling me to take the trip despite having never travelled alone to go see them. The comfort of my parents has always been there throughout the visits and part of me was a little bit nervous. With my flexible work schedule, I decided if I don’t go now, it would never happen and I booked a flight ticket to leave in two days. Surprising my family in India, the next two weeks were filled with laughter, tears, sadness, joy, and a full heart.
I ended up creating memories for a lifetime. On my flight there, I realized the importance of legacy and how important it is to continue passing down the values I’ve gained from my ancestors. And so taking the trip wasn’t enough. I wanted to really get to know where I come from and keep records of this for future generations. Below are a few questions I asked my grandparents and recorded them on video:
Where were you born and where did you grow up?
Did you have a nickname, what was it?
What did you want to be when you grew up?
What’s your fondest childhood memory?
How did you and your family spend time together when you were young?
What was your favorite toy/game as a kid?
Favorite food as a kid vs. now?
Tell me about the day my mom/dad were born
Any family dish/tradition/heirloom we’ve kept in our family for generations?
What would you tell your 25 year old self?
Is there memory of a world event that had a big impact on you or your family?
Are there any questions you wish you asked your own parents?
Wat is the one thing you want people to remember about you?
It’s so easy to take life for granted and not appreciate the simple privileges we might now have. Being a first generation immigrant, I see myself feeling jealous of all the other privileged kids out there, just wishing it was easier. Through the trip, I learned to transform my jealousy into gratitude.
I ended up asking a few questions to my grandparents about the life they lived, the childhood they had, the dreams that were never fulfilled, the challenges they faced, the games they played, and the food they ate. Instantly, I could feel myself in their shoes, living the life they lived, to give us the life we now have. Instantly, I felt connected to a generation I have a million differences with. I felt one with a culture I only partially identify with. I suddenly knew where I came from: my origin story. And the beauty of it all was that I could now pass this down to my children and their children. These recorded conversations were forever to keep.