How To Survive Trauma
A couple of months ago, one of my readers asked me to write an article on overcoming trauma. While I've had difficult phases in the past, I could never compare myself to those in worse situations. There have been times where I’ve felt hardship, pain, hurt, and a broken heart. It was only until very recently that I felt all of these emotions consistently and at the same time. This was my emotional response to a terrible event that has changed my life forever. If you feel this way, know that you’re not alone. Honestly there’s very few people that go through life without any trauma. That being said, trauma is very relative. Some people value family over friends, some value money over living, some value life above all. These values determine what a traumatic experience is for you. And while the traumatic experiences will be different for everyone, the feelings we feel are comparable. This is one of those topics where I’m not sure I can help or be there fully but instead just provide my account of how I’m dealing with it.
Ever since my life shattering event, everything else has felt so bland. It’s like eating pizza dough without the cheese or sauce. The crippling pain has made it difficult to live my day to day life. It's hard getting out of bed; it's hard getting myself to eat something; it's hard hanging out with friends. From waking up in the morning to getting into bed at night, every activity feels like a burden. It’s exhausting to do the bare minimum. If you’ve felt this way, know that you’re not alone. The first thing that helped me was knowing that there are other people who’ve dealt with something similar. Knowing I wasn’t alone in the pain made me comfortable.. If they can survive then so can I. What you’re feeling right now is as bad as it gets. It’s only going to be uphill from here. It has to.
In the initial months, it was difficult for me to reach out to a friend asking for help. I didn’t know how to. I felt embarrassed. I thought they wouldn’t understand and it would only lead to increased dissociation. But how can I know without trying? I can’t.
Did you know our thoughts can be wrong?
Once upon a time humans thought earth was flat and guess what? We were wrong. So before you listen to yourself, ground yourself to what you know to be true. Has your friend or family member ever made fun of you or not respected a big decision? My best friend is always on my side. She was incredibly supportive ever since I met her so why’d I doubt her inability to understand? After a little while, I reached out to her and let her know what was going on. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. While I was still struggling, I knew that there was someone else to support me through my heavy weight. This new feeling allowed me to share my story with another two close friends and I felt so much lighter. If you need anyone to listen to you, I’m here and you know how to reach me.
Again, it’s not that easy. I still cried regularly. I was angry. I was depressed. I was hurt. My body hurt from all the emotional pain. I didn’t think that was possible. But you know what? I let it happen. I knew that for me to get through this, I had to feel my emotions. I knew I had to feel the pain and react to it to instead of avoiding and delaying the emotions for a later time. It sucked in the moment but looking back, I know it was the right thing to do. Especially since I was stuck in the same atmosphere day in and day out. I eventually did step out of that environment and another heavy load was lifted from me. I understand that sometimes it’s difficult to escape a place physically, but if you can, I highly recommend it. Putting yourself in a different environment can help you look forward to other things in life such as going to the gym, seeing other friends, traveling, buying new headphones (yes, I bought myself headphones and it feels great).
Once I moved to a new environment, I still continued to struggle. This time it was hard to understand what was going on. I’d have a great day and in the middle of driving, I’d break down crying. Everything would be perfect and I’d get upset about something little. I was all over the place. I vividly remember two days where I felt like not even moving from bed even though there was no reason for me to be lazy. I realized 2 things:
I need to be more patient with myself. Things don’t fix themselves automatically, especially not a life altering trauma.
I need to take physical care of myself. Yes you read that right. After the two days in bed, I got up, did a facemask, took a bath, did a teeth whitening strip, and cleaned my entire apartment. Physical space cleanliness and self body care are directly related to your emotional well-being.
While there are still days when I’m deep in thought thinking about what happened, I’m now able to pick myself back up rather than swallow in my pity. It’s not one thing that made it better for me but rather a combination of all of them that’s allowing me to live. And while each scenario is different, I want you to try:
Talking to a loved one
Working out
Cleaning your room
Writing your thoughts down
You got this. I believe in you. Just remember, we have to take it one day at a time.