What Do You Look For In Love?

What is the one attribute you look for in a relationship? Is it their sense of humor, their attractiveness, or their intelligence? If you had to rank what you’re looking for, what would be the top attribute in your future forever?

I’ve looked for a lot of these things but I’ve found the missing puzzle piece to be support. I never really realized what I was missing in my life. As far as I was concerned, life was pretty good. I had a great job with great friends living in a city I loved. Each day was an adventure that I looked forward to embarking on. I would fulfill all my wants by exploring new places and trying new things (whether it was by myself or with friends). I didn’t need anything else; I didn’t want anything else. In fact, I wasn’t really looking for a relationship at all.

Then I met a special someone that changed my life. Not in the cheesy way that’s described in movies but truly changed my thought process. I didn’t understand it at first but I felt a new feeling that I hadn’t in all of my years of living. I felt supported. I told him point blank - “I didn’t realize I was missing anything in my life until I met you.” And that thing was support.

It got me thinking about my past and how the human brain is wired. When we’re toddlers, everything feels do-able. You want to be a dinosaur when you grow up? Go for it! You want to be the president? Hell ya! You want to be an astronaut? Do it!

But as we grow older, head into elementary school, then middle and high school, the level of confidence people have in us seems to go down. Parents and teachers all tell you to be “realistic” because you need to “grow up” and assume responsibilities by taking on a job and doing what society expects of you. So the little kid inside of you gets their dreams crushed. Your loved ones stop supporting your childhood dreams. And you start believing that you can’t become an astronaut. That you aren’t capable of accomplishing your dreams because you need to focus on your “stable well-paying job.”

So when I met my partner, I was astonished that it was my first time feeling this emotion. I told him all of my crazy far fetched ideas and soon he started talking about them as if they could come true tomorrow. He would point out what skills/qualities I have to accomplish that idea and talk through a plan to make it a reality. It seemed surreal. But it’s true…

…he believes in me.

And I started believing in myself! A year later, we still talk about each others dreams which we now call goals. We support each other through it and help the other plan their journey on making it attainable. We’re there for the up and the down. We’re there when we decide to change direction. And most importantly we support and believe in each other through all the crazy dreams.

While humor, intelligence, and all the other attributes are important, I urge you to look for someone that’s going to support you from day 1. At the very least, try to find individuals (friends, family, co-workers) that you feel this way around and keep them in your life! These people are irreplaceable. Until then, know that I believe in you and support all your goals.