Why Suffering Is Important
One day my English professor asked our class of 40 “how do you know you’re happy?”. We gave all sorts of answers such as “you know you’re happy when you smile” “you know you’re happy when you see pizza” “you know you’re happy when you’re with loved ones”
Sure, maybe. But in reality, you know you’re happy because you’ve all felt sadness and suffering before. Our joy, happiness, excitement is only seen against the background of sadness and suffering. The best way to explain this is through lightness and darkness. You know you’re in the dark because you’ve seen light. Lightness has enabled you to identify the difference. Similarly, sadness enables you to see the happiness. My argument here is this: suffering is essential to living. It teaches us the value of life and how to be compassionate to ourselves and those around us.
Nowadays, I feel grateful when I feel distress, I know it’s teaching me something important even if I don’t know what that is yet. It’s easy to avoid feeling any negative emotions. In fact, in this day and age our immediate reaction to seek pleasure. We want instant gratification, constantly. We want to receive as many likes, views, comments as possible. We seek pleasure in junk food, in the distracting content we consume, and by listening to music to avoid feeling down. What if I told you to take a deeper look at yourself and the sadness inside you. Take a moment to ask yourself ‘where is this sadness/anger/jealousy/suffering coming from?’ If you’ve felt at angst within yourself, it is pertinent you ask yourself this on a regular basis to understand where your emotions are rooting from. Trust me, this is the only path forward for true internal peace.
Personally, I’ve wanted to and have avoided dealing with my past for a long time. I didn’t want to think of why bad things had happened and take myself back to those awful feelings of despair over and over again but I knew at some point I have to deal with them. I didn’t want to live a life with that constant uneasiness. I’ll be honest, at first, I was denying myself. I kept making excuses to have the conversation with myself. Then I realized:
Why am I embarrassed to admit how I feel/felt?
Where is the embarrassment and nervousness coming from?
Do I have expectations for myself to be a certain way?
Why?
Is it because society and others tell you to always look and be bubbly all the time?
It took a lot of courage but I decided to take some time off to dig through my clogged brain. After spending months digging, I learned to talk to my inner child, and spend time understanding the ‘why’. This experience has been transformative and I can’t tell you any more about mine because this is something you need to experience yourself. Taking this time to care for my current and past self has led me to be more compassionate. I used to be so hard on myself and expect perfection at every given moment. But I’ve learned to show some care towards my body and my mind.
I can now tell you for sure than understanding, compassion, and love is the only way to happiness.
Seeking pleasure in the moment might help give you a dopamine boost but that never lasts longer than 5 minutes. I encourage you to spend more time with yourself. Whether it’s on a solo trip, a weekend to yourself, or an hour everyday. Dig deeper and ask yourself this:
Where is your sadness/anger/jealousy/suffering coming from?
Sometimes we tell ourselves things that aren’t true. We might tell ourselves ‘everyone hates us’ or ‘we’re ugly’ but we have to ask ourselves where that’s coming from. This could be subconsciously coming from watching Instagram/Facebook/TikTok posts suggesting this idea. Are you telling yourself this or is it coming from elsewhere?
Why are you feeling this way?
Is it because of a particular moment in recent conversation with someone or is it a longing feeling from before? Perhaps when you were just a kid. Is the core of this feeling because of something that happened in your childhood? A lot of the times the anger and sadness little you felt is still inside you and we need to take the time to understand it and console it.
Tell yourself “I’m here for you. We’re trying our best. We will get through this together.”
And be grateful for this pain because once you’ve learned to dive into it and understand where it’s coming from, it will bring you longing happiness. If you’ve gotten this far in your journey, you’ve already learned the art of showing compassion and taking care of yourself. That’s a huge step forward! You’ve outgrown the fear of dealing with pain. Congratulate yourself.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Know that whatever you’re going through is important and makes you who you are. I know that you will come out much stronger and happier once you’ve taken the time to heal from your pain. I’m with you during your journey and reach out at any point - I’m always happy to help.
