Solo, Not Lonely
There's an unusual amount of stigma around being alone - or as some like to call it "lonely". People automatically assume that you're unhappy. For a 20-something year old, this is when the pressure to get married starts. Because apparently living alone in your favorite city and working at your dream company isn't enough. And just because you're making it in life and have everything you could ever want doesn't mean you're happy. How can that be when you're expected to be with someone and you aren't? And even when you truly are happy, these societal constructs are formed to tell you otherwise. It becomes harder when you see others in real life and dream about having lunch with close friends, travel with a partner, and spend holidays with your non-existent kids. If you have any of that, that's incredible! But if you don't, don't let people stop you from doing what you want. That's exactly how it went for me.
It started out of necessity when I moved to a new city after college where I knew no one. But instead of sitting around and letting myself be lonely - I chose to embrace the feeling and stepped out to explore my new home. I couldn't let myself wait for people. Not anymore. In my past, I've done that way too much and it only led to more fomo than ever. I waited to go to my first basketball game in college, I waited to go sledding at my favorite spot, I waited to go travel abroad. I waited too long for people that aren't even a part of my life anymore. And boy - did I miss out on experiences. Not anymore.
I decided it was time for me to take control of my life. I started by going on drives alone, then hikes, then parks. But the biggest step forward was honestly in Fall of 2019 when I decided to travel alone to Seattle. It was an experience I'll never forget. Streets were filled with couples and families celebrating the holiday season and here I was eager to see more of what it has to offer. And don't get me wrong: it was definitely weird at first. Day 1 was the hardest; I kept wishing I had someone to share these moments with, someone to eat with, someone to walk with. But as time went on, that awkward feeling went away and I started enjoying my own company. I did everything I wanted to: I took a ferry to an island, watched a movie, went shopping, and of course ate at some amazing restaurants asking for a table for one. When the last night of my trip rolled around, I wasn't ready to go back. I realized how liberating it is to be by myself.
A year and a half later, I have a one bedroom apartment to myself in one of the greatest cities ever. I am comfortable with myself. I am more confident than I've ever been and I've grown to love myself in a way that no one else ever could.
And trust me, I understand how hard it is. First to accept, then ultimately to take action and do something about it. As a 20-something year old, there's not a whole lot of things we have control over. We're working at a job that helps us earn a salary to pay rent in a place we just moved to while spending time with people we just met. It's time to be the main character in your own movie and take control of your own happiness. This is your life and it's on you to be the happiest you can ever be. If we let people have control over our happiness, that day may never come. It's a risky game, completely out of our control that we allow people to play around with too many times. Not anymore.
Today, I'm on a solo adventure at Point Reyes - one of the oldest lighthouses in Northern California. And as I breathe in the crisp, fresh air on my hike, I can't help but smile at how great life is.
I can't wait for you to experience this peace.